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Welcome, news seeker, to the throne upon which FACTS rest their weary asses, after being thrown about by the rest of the filth newspapers. As all SAS trained operatives know, the best interrogations are done on a tired subject. See the results.
Here in The Daily News.com, you will find all the stuff you need to know, and some stuff that you would just die if you never heard about. Management reserves the right to lie copiously. |
"Mental" Dr Scott "Rages" Over Spilt Pint
Head of Sixth year and part-time history salesman Dr. Scott indicated that "poofy" construction workers from Wester Hailes were going to be "in for it" after he quite clearly spilt his own pint.
After several moments being beaten to a bloody pulp, Dr. Scott relented and made a tactical withdrawal to the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, where he still resides, biding his time. |
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The Daily News.com is a subsiduary of the semi-regular The Daily News Newspaper, which is a product of the Riddling Press, a wholy owned subsiduary of Globo-Chem, bringing flaming death to Government forces for fifty years. |
Local Pervert Seen Buying Milk
An unknown pervert entered the Co-Op shopping store yesterday, and was seen leaving by a conciensious tenant in a neighbouring flat block, who quickly noticed the trademark filthy gaberdine and unkempt hair to be that of a sexual deviant, and on the spur of the moment organised a mob to raze the store. "He's sick," said Elma McUnchteous "who knows what that milk was for?" Experts agree that milk can be used for the eating of 'corn flakes', which is statistically the favourite breakfast for perverts. "That milk could have been in his stomach while he was watching my children." added Elma, "There's no way I'm letting that happen."
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